Sunday, 11 January 2009

Film Review: Role Models

If you like this sort of thing, with cast members from, and pretty much playing the same characters as they were in films like anchorman, 4o year old virgin and superbad, this is a good night out at the cinema.

Also, if you are me, which I am, it is great because you get to ogle a Northern Irish Cinema worker, and be taken back to primary 7 by drinking an Ice Blast. Anyway, to the film. Basically 2 guys work for a company a lot like red bull. One enjoys it, one doesn't. They get into trouble and sign up to tutor wee guys with no friends. The wee guys in question are the guy from Superbad who played Mclovin, who was a sexually frustrated geek, is playing yet another sexually frustrated geek. The other guy is a 10 year old who swears a lot.

Its a good film, with lots of laughing but I couldn't help getting depressed on the behalf of Mclovin from superbad. Not only because his character is such a sad case, but because the actor is only about 19 and he is already typecast. If you have played James Bond and Robin Hood and get typecast, its brilliant, because those characters make you think of heroism and machoness, with babes falling at your feet. If you get typecast as Mclovin from Superbad, its not great, because hes a dweeb. The actor should perhaps look at Sean William Scott, who seems to be still playing stifler from American Pie.

But back to the film and not me worrying about actors future careers. If you like daft comedies with lots of lines you can quote back at your friends over a post cinema McDonald's, this is your thing. However, although this is similar to films like Superbad and Anchorman, which had you quoting at each other long into the future, the moments don't last past the McDonald's chuckles.

PS: I am not suggesting everyone has a MacDonald's every time you watch a film. Especially if you are a critic or have signed up to, cos then it gets dangerous. Its just a funny film okay! Its not my fault you're overweight.

Sunday, 4 January 2009

Bottle Merchant

It is very weird how some things can have an actual affect on your life. Some silly random happenings can make you think quite a lot about yourself.

Last night, I was in Red, a Greenock nightclub toilets. The club is called Red and i was in the toilets, by the way, the nightclub doesn't have a separate name for toilets. Anyway, I witnessed a fight in the toilets of Red. None of this so far is unusual. Given that I hate shit music, I am in Red more often than I would like. Also, given that red have a door policy that is pretty easy going, its not too unusual to witness a fight. Anyway, I left a bottle of beer on the sink and went to the toilet, but soon noticed the fight in a cubicle. Then, from within the cubicle, I heard a smash, and more bouncers than I recognised as actual workers ran in to the cubicle for a scuffle.

Along with the others in the toilet unaware of the consequences of the smash, my mind was racing. However, I would imagine most of them were thinking: "Oh my God, is that guy OK?" or "Is he dead, should i phone an ambulance?". Actually, because of the type of town it is, a lot of people were probably thinking "Wow, I love drugs". My brain went like this: "this is stressful, I need to drink my beer to calm down. Where has my beer gone? I left it right there, next to the soap. Theres half of my beer bottle. that guy has just smashed my beer bottle at someone."

While others would worry they might be required to be a witness, or that they are an accessory to murder, I just thought that the guy who did the bottling really owed me 2.50. You might be thinking: What a dick for only thinking of his beer. And I kind of thought that myself, its been troubling me ever since. Perhaps I am horrible. But not as much as the mystery bottler, or the people for who charge 2.50 for beer.

Monday, 29 December 2008

Boxing Day Sales - 20% off all self respect!

So the boxing day sales started, predictably on boxing day. Nothing much wrong with that. I tend to just eat miniature heroes on boxing day, but whatever takes your fancy.

Except this year, the sales seemed to start on Christmas day. People were in queuing from 3am onwards on boxing day. You might say, correctly, that 3am is in fact boxing day, but not really. If your not in bed, then you are still celebrating Christmas. Or, if you are me, you are drinking a mix of supermarket quality champagne and pineapple juice, tipping barman far too much, and running riot on a deal or no deal fruit machine.

Lately, I think people are too quick to say that something "restored their faith in humanity". One event doesn't make things all lovely again. If someone helps a granny across the road, its lovely, but it doesn't make wars and climate change and rape not happen.

Its much easier, if you are as much of a cheerless pessimist as me, to have your faith unrestored in humanity. And the thought of people still thinking of themselves and the bargains of boxing day(which will still be the same on the 27Th) at a time when you are supposed to be thinking of others (and Jesus) is enough to make me conclude that I have no faith in humanity. Also, that boy helping a granny was probably just going for his helping a granny scouts badge, so even he is just thinking of himself!

Friday, 26 December 2008


A new blog, that although taken the form of reviews, will generally be about my life as a student, connoisseur and apprentice barman.

Some of you may recognise me from my other blog, Holyrood Patter, about politics.

Sometimes I will actually review things, music, gigs, films, tv shows, football matches, but in the main it will be about my life.

I hope you enjoy.